The Mount newspaper gave the Academy students news of school happenings, local and world news, spiritual edification, book reviews, program details, obituaries and alumnae news, among many other things. One thing it included in the 1920s-1930s was a humor section full of quips, some of which are inside jokes to the students and life at Maple Mount. Here are a select few of these treasures for your enjoyment.
Teacher: Henry, why are you not writing?
Henry: I ain’t got no pen.
Teacher: Where’s your grammar?
Henry: She’s dead.
Wife: My husband has no bad habits whatsoever. He never drinks, and he spends all his evenings at home. Why he doesn’t even belong to a club.
Friend: Does he smoke?
Wife: Only in moderation. He likes a cigar after he has had a good dinner, but I don’t suppose he smokes two cigars a month.
Student: I have a cold or something in my head.
Professor: Undoubtedly a cold.
Six year-old Mark awoke at two o’clock in the morning. “Tell me a story, Mama,” he pleaded. “Hush dear,” said the mother, “Daddy will be home soon and tell us both one.”
Teacher: Now all of you who desire to go to heaven arise.
Little Jimmy remains seated.
Teacher: Why Jimmy, don’t you want to go too?
Jimmy: Yes, but not if that crowd’s going.
A teacher had told her class that Milton the poet was blind. The next day she asked them if any of them could remember what Milton’s great affliction was. “Yes,” replied one little fellow; “he was a poet.”
Ruth: Emily, what do you do when you see an unusually beautiful girl?
Emily: I look for a while, and then I get tired and lay the mirror down.